Posted by: rudekitty | November 3, 2009

Turning the other ass cheek

Been having uppity staff problems. As in, my fucking uppity staff just upgraded that Windows shit on my computer. Like, what the fuck do I need that for? The only windows I give a shit about have nice wide windowsills to lie on and sun myself. So anyhow, just can’t find good monkey staff. Guess I’ll learn this new Windows shit, but I’m not liking it, meow.

Over at the Field Negro’s place, I found out that there’s some preachers who seem to have an awfully weird notion of “turning the other cheek”. As in, they’re fucking carrying heat. Gats. Ventilators. Handguns.

I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that people who make their living peddling lies to the gullible ignore the parts of their own holy scriptures that say responding to violence with violence is morally wrong, but shit, at least they could be a bit less obvious about it. I mean, c’mon. It’s bad enough that they’re peddling bullshit about some imaginary guy in the sky and the land of cotton candy trees you go to when you die (what a load of bullshit, the only reincarnation you get when you die is as worm shit). But at least they could pretend to believe the bullshit they’re preachin’, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Posted by: rudekitty | October 30, 2009

Golden Hairball Award for Halloween

The War on Halloween has a lot of dipshits and jerkwads involved, whether we’re talking about schools banning scary costumes or the usual scare stories about poisoned candy or whatever (number of children actually ever poisoned by Halloween candy: None, zero, nada, not a single case ever). But today’s Golden Hairball Award for fuckwad of the week goes out to a special group of people: the crazed Jesus freaks at Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network.

Whether we’re talking about the insane lunatic Lori D’Augostine suggesting handing tracts out to Trick or Treaters or the notion that the Devil is lurking inside those Snickers bars, ole’ Pat and his CBN crazies have redefined the term “batshit crazy Jesus freaks”. These loons are so into their imaginary guy in the sky that they’ve lost hold of any sense that might have ever existed in their so-called “brains” and set themselves up to be mocked, derided, and laughed at. Give religious tracts out to kids who show up looking for candy? What the fuck? These stupid loons must want their house to be egged and TP’ed!

So, here’s to you, Pat Robertson, winner of this week’s Golden Hairball Award for jerkwad of the week for your assholery in waging war on the cherished tradition of Halloween. Here’s your award:

The Golden Hairball

Kinda chunky but effective

Please direct me to your closet so I can deposit it directly into your wingtips, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 29, 2009


The modern university:

These Hallowed Halls Of Fancy Book Learnin’
College | Evansville, IN, USA

(This took place in our college library.)

Me: “Could I help you find something?”

Patron: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “We have lots of books here. Is there anything in particular you’re looking for?”

Patron: “Yeah – ‘Tuesdays With Morrie’. Do you have it?”

Me: “Well, if you sit at one of the computers, I can show you how to use our system and we can look it up.”

Patron: “Never mind, I’ll just look around.”

(A few minutes pass, then he walks up to me again.)

Patron: “I couldn’t find it. Do you have ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’?

Me: “I can show you how to look at our system and see if we have it.”

Patron: *angry* “I didn’t come to college to learn anything!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think I can help you.”

Three pounds of blubber. That’s all that most of you dumbasses seem to use your oversized brains for, just some grey blubber to bounce around inside your heads. Used to be, there used to be these places called “universities” where you went to learn shit. Nowdays, apparently they’re day care centers to keep kids off the streets for four years in hopes that they won’t eat their crayons and piddle in the middle of the officewhile bawling for mommy by the time they gradjiate. Learning? Bwhahahaha! Most of the stupid-ass motherfuckers out there want to be ignorant assholes, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 28, 2009

Say it ain’t so, Crazy Joe!

Yes indeedy, kittens, today I get an email thanking me for my support of World Nut Daily and urging me, urging me I say, to send money to Joseph “Crazy Joe” Farah to further his crazed circle-jerk where he and a buncha right-tards are yanking each other’s puds and spurting all over each other about impeaching President Obama for, well, err, implementing the agenda that Candidate Obama had on his web site prior to his election, duh! Yessiree, that’s right, a President implementing the agenda that the majority of Americans said they wanted is worthy of impeachment in Crazy Joe’s world! And Obama doing what he said he was going to do, i.e., return us basically back to the era of Democratic domination in the 1940s-1960’s that resulted in the most prosperous America of all time, is an “unprecedented transformation of America”. So back to proven shit that works is “unprecedented”? Jesus fucking Christ on a piece of toast, is Crazy Joe crazier than that dude in the fluffy slippers and bathrobe who pushes his shopping cart back and forth while muttering to his imaginary friend, or what?!

Last week I gave Crazy Joe the “jerkwad of the week” Golden Hairball award. But Crazy Joe seems to be trying for a jerkwad of the YEAR award, between this asshattery and the whole birther bullshit his demented syphilitic “mind” dreamed up. I dunno, maybe the Golden Shower Award. Just need to find an un-neutered tomcat to give him that gift, ooh, what a bee-yoootiful odor that would be, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 28, 2009

How do you spell “fraud”? S-C-I-E-N-T-O-L-O-G-Y

Good morning, kittens! Today we get the good news that a court has finally declared that a religion is just a fraud against its membership. It’s about time that somebody took those scamming assholes who run these “church” thingies to the woodshed! Thing is, the fucktards who wrote the French Court’s fraud ruling against the Church of Scientology side-step that by, well, calling Scientology a “cult” rather than a “religion”.

Which brings up the question, what’s the difference between a “cult” and a “religion”? Other than the fact that the founders of a “religion” are long dead, while the founders of a “cult” are either alive or only recently deceased like the hack sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard who founded the “Church” of Scientology on a bar bet with one of his editors? I mean, they’re all scams, in the end, taking advantage of gullible monkeys who want to believe that there’s something other than death waiting for them in the end. I don’t see any difference between a religion that says you’re possessed by the ghosts of long-dead aliens, and a religion that says you’re possessed by, well, a “holy ghost”. It’s all just bullshit intended to scam you out of your hard-earned dough, in the end, whether we’re talking Scientology, Holy Roller babbling bla bla la la, or Catholicism.

But dumbfucks want to keep believing that there’s something other than worms waiting for them after they’re dead. Kittens, when you’re dead, you’re motherfucking dead. That’s it. There is no “afterlife”, unless you count being worm poop as an “afterlife”. Anybody who says otherwise is fucking lying to you, and if there really was a “hell” would burn forever, but there isn’t, so instead they laugh and laugh and laugh at you stupid monkeys who refuse to live in the real world and instead insist on believing in bullshit. It’s just pathetic how much you moron monkeys want to believe bullshit like this, instead of the clear truth of your own two eyes which show that when something dies, it’s just dead, it ain’t having no goddamned orgies up in some la la land with a thousand virgins or some moronic shit like that.

And that’s all I gotta say for today, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 23, 2009

Friday Hairball Blogging

And today, kittens, I have a very special Friday hairball blogging. Today’s recipient is getting it not because of any particular incident of assholery, but because of his whole sordid history of yanking down his pants and cumming on the truth, a sixteen year history at this point of being one of the biggest fucking jerkwads on the right. This is a guy who accused the Clintons of being murderers and drug smugglers, says that the current President is a dictator not even born in the USA, a foreign-born dictator who is pushing an un-American agenda (i.e., the agenda that was on his web site, that America elected him to implement), who was one of the first to spread the whole “birther” nonsense. And now he’s standing up and saying he has a list of names, names I say, of “known terrorists” who are Democratic Congressional staffers, channeling Joe McCarthy eerily except substituting “terrorist” for “Communist”. We’re talking about one of the premier circle-jerkers of the right wing, the one that Karl Rove and their ilk go to first when they want to spread a lie about someone, a man whose first name coincidentally is Joe just like Joe McCarthy. I am, of course, talking about Joseph Farah of World Nut Daily.

Now, Crazy Joe has been at this for sixteen years now, protected by U.S. Supreme Court rulings that say he can’t be sued for libel as long as he just prints the lies he’s told without knowing whether they’re actually accurate or not. So he simply doesn’t fact check, something which he admitted in a court of law when he made the mistake of libeling a non-public-figure (for which lesser standards of libel apply, as vs. libeling a political figure). As long as he doesn’t know whether a story is true or not, he can’t be accused of willfully and maliciously libeling the public figures that he libels, and thus under numerous Supreme Court rulings can’t be sued. After all, he’s just reporting what someone else said, it’s that someone else who did the libeling!

Still, this makes him about as ethical as a Wall Street banker, as slimy as a slime slug, and a major league fuckwad who doesn’t even have the morals of an alley cat (meow!). He claims to be a “Christian”, but of course he’s about as “Christian” as the rest of these fuckwads, who pretend to be Christian then go out and fuck the Christ up every orifice while laughing maniacally at just how many Commandments that they can break in one go. And while he pretends to be a Christian, he takes that spear and just twists it in the Christ’s body, laughing, laughing, laughing as he does everything that his supposed “holy book” tells him not to do, whether it’s making fun of the poor, lying about politicians, preaching hatred of other Americans because they don’t look like him, or preaching a gospel of selfishness that would have the Jesus Christ of the Holy Book saying “Oh my fucking God, I hereby give up on that whole turn the other cheek bullshit” and slapping ole’ Crazy Joe up, down, and around for taking His name in vain so much.

So Crazy Joe — Joseph Farah of World Net Daily: Here is your Golden Hairball Award for jerkwad of the week:

Yummy, juicy!

Yummy, juicy!

Enjoy. Oh, please direct me to your closet so I can deliver it into your best wingtips in person, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 22, 2009


funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Posted by: rudekitty | October 21, 2009

It’s all about dick

Ever wonder why right-wing assholes have such a fetish about guns, why they get together into giant circle-jerks going oooh ooooooh ooooooooh and ejaculating about how somebody is going to try to take their guns away, even to the point of inventing fake attempts to take their guns away? Well, duh, it’s all about dick. Guns = penises, for these small-dicked wonders, and someone wanting to take their guns away is, like, trying to castrate them! Like most small-dicked wonders, they spend most of their waking hours scared that someone, somehow, is going to take away even what tiny dick they have, leaving them to be, well, dickless wonders, oh the horrors! And most of them probably have more than a little latent homosexuality that they’re trying to deny (can you say repression, kittens?). Take Charlton Heston, for example. I mean, fuck, we’re talking about a dude who made his name by wearing a dress and engaging in hot steamy wrestling matches with other men! Crap, if he’d been born twenty years later he woulda been qualified to be one of the first leather queens of San Francisco’s gay community!

So whenever you see these small-dicked wonders working up a lather about a fringe bill with zero chance of becoming a law, remember what they’re really saying: That they’re small-dicked wonders suffering from delusional nightmares where evil “liberals” cut off their dick, and mostly repressed homosexuals too. Remember: They bought the big gun because they — and the wife — weren’t satisfied with their small one.

Say "Repressed Homosexuality"!

Say 'Repressed Homosexuality'!

Posted by: rudekitty | October 21, 2009

It’s the LAW of gravity, dumbass!

Gravity's a bitch

Gravity's a bitch

Here’s a slight suggestion: When each of your tits weighs more than the typical small car, maybe, just maybe, it is not a good idea to wear a tubetop? I mean, I realize that Wal-Mart shoppers aren’t exactly geniuses, but give a poor rude kitty’s eyes a break, meow!

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »