The War on Halloween has a lot of dipshits and jerkwads involved, whether we’re talking about schools banning scary costumes or the usual scare stories about poisoned candy or whatever (number of children actually ever poisoned by Halloween candy: None, zero, nada, not a single case ever). But today’s Golden Hairball Award for fuckwad of the week goes out to a special group of people: the crazed Jesus freaks at Pat Robertson’s Christian Broadcasting Network.
Whether we’re talking about the insane lunatic Lori D’Augostine suggesting handing tracts out to Trick or Treaters or the notion that the Devil is lurking inside those Snickers bars, ole’ Pat and his CBN crazies have redefined the term “batshit crazy Jesus freaks”. These loons are so into their imaginary guy in the sky that they’ve lost hold of any sense that might have ever existed in their so-called “brains” and set themselves up to be mocked, derided, and laughed at. Give religious tracts out to kids who show up looking for candy? What the fuck? These stupid loons must want their house to be egged and TP’ed!
So, here’s to you, Pat Robertson, winner of this week’s Golden Hairball Award for jerkwad of the week for your assholery in waging war on the cherished tradition of Halloween. Here’s your award:
Please direct me to your closet so I can deposit it directly into your wingtips, meow!