One of the hardest things that this kitty has to do every week is come up with the Golden Hairball Award for asswad of the week. Not because there’s a shortage of assholes, jerks, and general bastards to give it to, but, rather, because there’s too many of them, and only a certain number of hairballs that I can hawk up.
Take this week, for example. I was all set to take on crazy-ass Joseph Farrah of World Nut Daily and his jihad against CAIR, where he channels Joe McCarthy and waves a fucking list around that he claims are Islamic jihadis who’ve infiltrated the ranks of Congressional staffers, but then a new fucktard came along who topped even Crazy Joe. Which is damned hard to do, Crazy Joe’s been frothing at the mouth for over fifteen years now accusing Democrats of doing everything evil up to and including fucking poor defenseless house cats (bwhahaha! Fucking dickwad doesn’t even know us kitties have claws and fangs!), but someone who’s an even bigger asshole came along. So I’ll have to get back to Crazy Joe later. It ain’t as if I’ll have to wait long for him to do some other fuckheaded thing, he’s a few marbles shy of a full load, if ya know what I mean, so he’ll keep.
So anyhow, I proudly present today’s Golden Hairball Award winner for fucktard of the week: Keith Bardwell of Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana, the Justice of the Peace who denied a marriage to a biracial couple because biracial marriage means biracial kids and biracial kids never turn out well, just look at that poor miserable failure Barack Obama fer cryin’ out loud uhmm…. Keith? Hello? I don’t know if you’ve turned on a television over the past year or so, but you do know that we have a President who is biracial, right?
And that’s only the start of Keith Bardwell’s fucktardedness. For some reason Keith Bardwell thinks that black person A and white person B can have children only if they’re married. What the fuck, he thinks a goddamned stork brings the spawn after they marriage or some shit like that? Keith, Keith, Keith, lemme break it to ya: Marriage ain’t got fuck-all to do with having children. A man sticking his dick in a woman’s pussy and spurting cum all in her, that’s what causes children. Haven’t you ever watched the monkeys going at it at the monkey house, or a female cat yowling as a male cat rams it home up her pussy? Shit, you’d think you were a virgin, not knowing a simple thing like that, and that can’t be true ’cause you got kids and… err… Keith. Have you had your children genetically tested for paternity? Just sayin’, since you don’t seem to have the foggiest clue about reproduction.
And to top it all off, Keith Bardwell then proudly proclaims that he is not racist. What the fuck? Let me get this straight. You’re going to go straight against a ruling of the U.S. Supreme Court that says you can’t do what you done, a ruling that says denying marriage to a biracial couple is inherently racist, and you’re gonna fucking say you ain’t a racist? Give us a break, asshole! What, you think we got shit for brains or something?
So anyhow, Mr. Bardwell is therefore triple qualified for fucktard of the week — he’s an idiot, he’s a racist, and he’s a liar. So now, without further ado, here is your award Mr. Bardwell [hack hack hack cough cough cough]:
Congratulations on winning this prestigious award, Mr. Bardwell. Please direct me to your closet so I can deliver it properly into your favorite pair of shoes, meow!