Posted by: rudekitty | October 14, 2009

Stupid animal tricks

One Fly mentions a stupid bitch who tried to pet a rutting buck deer and got fucked up big time. I also mentioned a bear story with a similar moral: Don’t approach wild animals, feed them, or otherwise do shit with them except watch them from afar (or kill and eat them, meow!). Now here’s another tale of derring-do with animals, sort of:

Yogi Says Yum To Spicy Humans
Outdoor Supply Store | Edmonton, AB, Canada

(Note: Bear spray is basically just pepper spray that you use if you are attacked by a bear.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [outdoor supply store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um…I bought some bear spray from you earlier today and now my skin is burning.”

Me: “Your skin is burning? Did the bear spray come into contact with your skin?”

Customer: “Of course! I sprayed it all over myself!”

Me: “Did you read the instructions?”

Customer: “No, I thought it was like bug spray.”

Me: “Sir, you’re not supposed to spray it on your skin. You’re supposed to spray it in the bear’s eyes. You should probably go take a shower.”

Customer: “So I can’t repel the bears by putting bear spray on my skin?”

Me: “No, sir…are you sure bear country is the right place for you?

Yes, I think bear country is exactly the right place for him. Improve the gene pool, meow! Morons. How the fuck do these cretins manage to survive childhood? You’d think they would have managed to suffocate themselves to death by forgetting how to breathe or some shit like that, they’re so fucking stupid…

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