Posted by: rudekitty | September 23, 2009

Why them furriners speakin’ gibberish?

Q: What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
A: Trilingual.
Q: What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
A: Bilingual
Q: What do you call someone who speaks one language?
A: American

Americans have this odd belief that, despite all evidence to the contrary, they’re the smartest bestest people on the planet. Because everybody knows that Albert Einstein, Wernher von Braun, and Sergey Brin are Americans, despite being, err, Swiss, German, and Russian inventers of the atomic bomb, Apollo rocket, and Google.

Because Americans are number one, fuck yeah, Americans don’t need to learn other languages. That’s for those other people. And the Bible? Well, the Bible was written in English, doncha know that? Well, at least this following inbred fuckwad cretin in Nashville Tennessee seems to think so…

Video Rental | Nashville, TN, USA

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I rented this movie, and ya’ll gave me the wrong one. This one has subtitles, and I wanted it in English.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. But Passion of The Christ is supposed to be in subtitles. It’s the way Mel Gibson made it.”

Customer: “Ya gotta be kiddin’ me! Why would he do somethin’ stupid like that?”

Me: “Well, I’m guess he just wanted to be true to its roots.”

Customer: “The idiot. Everyone knows the Bible is in English!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So, can you fix it or what?”

Me: “Fix it? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Call up that Gibson feller and tell him to send you guys the English version!”

What does it mean when Mel “Head of brick” Gibson is smarter than his fuckwit audience? Jesus Christ on a scratchin’ post, these fucking morons ain’t learned a goddamned thing since Mark Twain wrote Huckleberry Finn so many years ago and satirized the exact same fucking ignorance and stupidity on the part of Americans. Gah! The stupidity! It itches like fleas under my collar!

Must… go… dunk head in water to wash the stupids out…



  1. I used to drive tractor trailer cross country and I have 2 distinct memories of the south.

    Once in Alalbama when I was purchasing Fuel and to buy diesel know since Oklahoma City you must show your drivers license, I presented my license to the 20 something girl at the counter and she said, ” Vermont, where the hell is that?”

    Another time similar circumstance in Mississippi the comment was heard, “Vermont, what state is that in?”

    I was also told I “talk” funny and commented thats because most people in the south have an accent. The response was, ” what’s an accent?”

    Sad, actually.


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