Posted by: rudekitty | November 13, 2009

Today’s Golden Hairball Award

Religious fucktards are a target you can’t miss. There’s just so many of them, from the Mormons with their magic underwear invading California to take away equal rights for gay couples, Scientologists with their magic flying saucer space ghost woowoo, or the wackaloons of Westboro Baptist who protest outside military funerals with signs saying that the dead soldier deserved to die ’cause he served a corrupt nation or some shit like that (hey, isn’t that what that motherfucker Osama bin Laden said too?).

So anyhow, I could give out golden hairball awards all day long to these woowoo dickwads who are so fucking crazy that they think their imaginary bullshit is, like, real, but then I’d be a goddamned bald kittie. So I hafta choose one, and only one. Who shall it be? The dickwads at Westboro Baptist who protested outside of the Obama girls’ school saying that the Obama girls were going to go to Hell? WTF? Why do they hate Michigan, anyhow? Or what?

But then comes some fucktardedness from those dress-wearing kiddie-fuckers at the Catholic Church that tops it all: Catholic Church to shut down their charity services in Washington D.C. if the Washington D.C. city council passes law giving equal rights to gays. Apparently they have a new Bible where Jesus says to the poor, “yo, I’d feed you some of these fishes and loaves, but the city council said I can’t discriminate against gays anymore so I’m outta here.” That passage ain’t in any version of the Christian Bible that I looked at (pretty much every other depravity is from child murder to incest — that’s some sick fucking shit, meow!), but fuck, it’s the only explanation if they claim to be followin’ the teachings of Jesus, right? Or maybe those gay-ass dress-wearin’ fucktards just spend so much time fucking each other up every orifice of their bodies that their brains just splurted out their ears from the pressure of all that cum, like the world’s ugliest fucking hairball…

So, Catholic Archdiocese of Washington, congratulations on winning the prestigious Golden Hairball Award for this week. Archbishop Donald W. Wuerl, please direct me to your closet so I can deposit it in your best set of high heeled pumps, meow!

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A decoration for their dresses, yo!

Posted by: rudekitty | November 12, 2009

Rude girl!

fuck-off

Correct kitty attitude, meow!

If this Jap girl knew what she was wearing (she probably doesn’t), I’d give her an honorary promotion to full-fledged Kitty-hood, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | November 12, 2009

Semen Ship

Yes, I went there, meow! Has anybody told the Japs that The Village People were, well, let’s just say they practiced semenship with each other? Reminds me of that old joke, “what’s long and tubular and full of seamen”?

Posted by: rudekitty | November 11, 2009

Brave Maroon got him a terrorist!

Yessiree, one of them brave Marines got hisself one of them TERRORISTS. Dude with a beard wearin’ a bedsheet attacked him while yelling “Allahu akbar!” and this brave motherfucker by the name of Jasen Bruce bagged him some terrorist ass, and called the cops to boast about it and tell’em about how he had a terrorist trapped and come’n’get him.

Only problem: This dumbass’s “terrorist” turned out to be a lost Greek Orthodox priest who was just lost and asking for directions. As in, Christian. As in, Greek. As in, having a 1,000 year old grudge against Muslims, meow! Under intense questioning, this Marine reservist (who has been a reservist for 8 years and… err… never served in Iraq or Afghanistan? How the fuck can *that* happen?!) started giving other stories, like, the 5’6″ priest attacked *him* (who stands 6’3″ and is yummy beefcake, meow!), grabbed his crotch, tried to gay rape him, shit like that. Leading to a, what the fuck? moment for this rude kitty, meow!

Go look at that beefcake’s nearly-nude photos up there. If that motherfucker ain’t gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown, I’m a fucking dog, meow! Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, but being gay and so far in the fucking closet that the only thing left sticking out is the biggest flaming asshole gay-basher that this kitty has ever seen short of Rush Limpdick’s tub ‘o’ lard, well. That’s moronic asshattery on a level that deserves some jail time, except this motherfucker would probably enjoy it, given his liking for fucking other dudes up.

(H/T)

Posted by: rudekitty | November 11, 2009

Thelma and Louise to be remade!

And the stars of the remake will be… John Travolta and Tom Cruise.

Oh wait, that’s “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” that they’re proposing to remake. Same goddamned difference, John and Tom are gayer than the gay mayor of gaytown. So will John be the butch one and Tom the prissy one, or the other way around? Curious kitties do *not* want to know, meow!

Of course, I suppose being members of a mind-rotting cult that engages in lies and violence in order to suppress free speech probably has rotted their brains out to the point where they don’t realize they’re about to make a homoerotic adventure movie, but really, they oughtta know better. Or maybe they do, and just don’t give a shit, in which case I’ll give’em a kitty salute, meow.

Posted by: rudekitty | November 11, 2009

A League of Extraordinary Jerks

John Cole remarks that the most extraordinary thing about today’s Republican Party is that they’re a bunch of jerks. Fuck yeah, John, they put the “j” in jerk, I might be a rude kitty but there’s limits to even my rudeness. Like, for example, these jerkwads protested outside of two little girls’ school with homophobic posters saying that God hated these little girls. Jesus fucking Christ on a goddamned catnip tree, are these motherfuckers crazy as well as being flaming fucking assholes whose only redeeming quality is how good they’d be as fertilizer if they fucking killed their pestilant asses by forgetting how to breathe? Oh right, breathing is autonomic. I forget. Good thing for these fuckwads, else they’re probably such fucking morons that they’d forget to breathe and suffocate their retarded asses.

So anyhow, these fucking jerkwads attacked two little girls who did nothing to nobody, so anyhow, what do you think happens after some dickwad opens fire on his fellow soldiers at Ft. Hood? Well of course they gotta blame it on somebody. And yeah, they pulled out the Islam Card immediately and put it into play — fuck, they pulled out a whole goddamned deck of the Islam Card, basically calling 1.2 billion people terrorists, which is astounding because if they really *were* terrorists then you dickwads in the United States would all be dead because there ain’t enough soldiers on the planet to counter 1.2 billion terrorists willing to blow their pestilent asses up with suicide vests — but anyhow, they didn’t stop with the obvious target. No no, they discovered that this dickwad Nidal Malik Hasan was actually in league with… uhm… errr…. ah… oh fuck it. Here’s a picture of this enemy of America that these stupid-ass dicks discovered:

richard-Simmons-surreal-300x300

Say wha?!


Yes, RICHARD fucking SIMMONS. These mouth-breathing fucktards actually went there and said gay rights activists are terrorists. Because, you know, Richard Simmons is just so fucking scary. If you’re a cowardly fucktard cringing under your desk for fear of faggots and Muslims, anyhow.

I swear, if I gave a Golden Hairball Award to every one of these dipshits, fucktards, and assholes who deserved one, I’d be a fucking bald kitty, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | November 6, 2009

This week’s Golden Hairball Award: A tie!

Okay, today’s jerkwad of the wee award was a hard one. So hard I had to spend double the time grooming myself to prepare for it, thus the delay in its presentation.

In the far corner, weighing in at 300+ pounds, is Rush “Limpdick” Limbaugh, convicted drug offender and frequent visitor of Dominican boy-whores (though he’s so limp he has to bring massive amounts of Viagra to get it up to pork a 12 year old, maybe he needs to take some lessons from those Catholic dress-wearin’ child fuckers, who never seem to have any problem getting it up for 12 year olds). Limpdick has never served in the military because he got himself invalidated out with an ass pimple when the draft board called his number, but he doesn’t let this stop him from burping about all manners military. In this week’s assholery the fat fucker made fun of President Obama for showing respect for our soldiers by saluting their sacrifice, calling Obama arrogant, at which point a White House advisor said, “I think it’s a surreal day when you’re getting lectures on humility from Rush Limbaugh.” Yeah, the only thing fatter than Limpdick’s ass is his ego, meow!

But yesterday a new contenda blew out of the near corner and rocked the Limpster back on his heels. Joseph “Crazy Joe” Farrah of World Nut Daily, pulling his best Joe McCarthy imitation out of his ass, claimed that an Army psychiatrist going nuts at Ft. Hood and killing a bunch of his fellow soldiers was because there’s hidden Commies err Muslims in the Army who are just biding their time waiting until the time is right to emerge and fuck us all up the ass multiple times while chanting “Allah is Great!”. Crazy Joe even says that the Ft. Hood shooter was one of Obama’s advisors, presumably implying that Obama is not only a scary nigger, but a scary MUSLIM nigger who is just waitin’ to emerge and fuck us all up the ass multiple times until we all squeal “Allah is Great” meow! For his assholery in making political fodder out of a tragedy, Crazy Joe is surely fit to be dickwad of the week.

Thing is, Crazy Joe’s already gotten a Golden Hairball Award, and Rush Limpdick hasn’t. And Rush Limpdick’s long history of assholery surely is worthy of a lifetime award all by itself. So fuck it. I’m going to call it a tie. Thus why I had to spend extra special long time grooming my coat today to generate their awards:

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Congratulations on your prestigious Golden Hairball Awards, assholes.

Posted by: rudekitty | November 5, 2009

I’m fucked

You deranged hairless monkeys are giving swine flu to CATS now.

Fuck. Fuckity fuckity fuck. You assholes weren’t satisfied with breeding a new version of flu via nasty factory farming conditions on pig farms. Noooo. You had to breed one that could be transmitted to CATS too!

What the fuck did I do to you to deserve this? I mean, other than barfing up hairballs into your shoes and onto your favorite chair? And shredding that leather sofa — hey, that felt soooo good for my claws! And then there was the time you took me to the vet and I shredded half the vet’s clothes and the vet told you “Never bring that cat back here again”. And … err… maybe I should end the list here.

So I got one question left: Does anybody make those cute little masks in, like, cat size? Meow?

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Posted by: rudekitty | November 5, 2009

Faggot is the new nigger

Just been looking at the passage of the new “We Hate Faggots” law in Maine, and it’s pretty clear that faggots are the new nigger, to have laws passed to deliberately disenfranchise them. Now, you’d think that the religious kiddie-fuckers would want gays to, like, come out and gay-marry each other and live happily ever after instead of staying in the closet and marrying some poor bitch who didn’t know what she was getting into and reproducing and passing on the faggot genes to a new generation of faggots. If we just let all these faggots gay-marry each other, they won’t reproduce, and they won’t pass on their genes to a new generation.

So if the religious kiddie-fuckers had any sense at all, they’d support gay marriage. But what the fuck am I saying. That presumes even the least minimum of scientific knowledge of genetics on the part of the religious kiddie-fuckers, which their opposition to the clear reality of evolution shows ain’t happenin’. And besides, these religious assholes need someone to hate. They ain’t happy if they ain’t fucking frothing at the mouth over somebody to hate, gathering together in their claverns and temples and shit to yank each other’s puds and get hard over the thought of some faggot burning, burning I say, in the eternal flames of some imaginary hell where their own suppressed homosexuality lives. If they couldn’t hate someone, whether faggots or niggers or whatever, their puds would be as limp as freshly cooked spaghetti, not that it ever ain’t short of massive doses of Viagra if Rush Limpdick is an example of the species but shit, you know what I mean.

So I guess faggots are the new nigger, the new acceptable group of people for assholes and bigots to get hard over discriminating against’em. Which makes about as much sense as a Hello Kitty vibrator (say WHA?! That evil feline gets her claws into everything!), but what the fuck, nobody ever claimed that hairless monkeys had any sense anyhow, meow!

Posted by: rudekitty | November 4, 2009

Another honorary kitty

Scott Herhold of the San Jose Mercury says the mother of the screaming toddler kicked off the flight should have apologized to the airline, not the other way around.

YES! It’s about time some “real” journalist had the guts to state the obvious! Look. I don’t give a shit about your precious spawn. When I’m sitting under that airline seat in my cat carrier, I just want to sleep while the airline is humming away. Your kid screaming in my ear? Fuck that shit! Pilot kicks you and your precious tyrant off the jet? GOOD!

Look, it ain’t as if the woman couldn’t get home. She just took another flight after she got the kid calmed down. But this crap of apologizing the mother of the howling screaming little tyrant is just plain wrong. It’s MY fucking ears that were being assaulted by her spawn’s incessant howling, and it’s ME who this oh so smug and self-centered asshole mommy ought to be apologizing to, not the other way around, meow!

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